It's been a little over a month since my last post, and a LOT has happened since then!
I finally figured out WHY I felt like I was drowning! I was so ungrateful for the blessings in my life! I would sit and think about what I COULD have had and what I COULD have been if I'd only made better choices. Yes, there are incorrect decisions that I've made, but it was NOT the incorrect path! THIS is who I am MEANT to be, and THIS is what I am SUPPOSED to be doing! I've become more able to understand God's purpose for me, now that I am not thinking about what I had desired my life to be like, and what I had previously worked towards. I would always wonder why God made me so intelligent and gave me SUCH a desire to learn! It's so I can better raise my children. So I can homeschool them, and know WHAT I am teaching them! NOT so I can have some fancy career that this world had brain-washed me into thinking that I JUST HAD TO HAVE! Yes, I COULD have gone FAR in life career-wise, but a career means NOTHING to me anymore! I am a mother. I am a wife. I am a child of God! I am doing what God wants me to do, and I have found that I want it to! It's not that I didn't love my children. I was SEVERELY confused on who I was supposed to be. We are not the traditional family. My husband and I are 22 yrs old. We have three children all born within 2 yrs and 4 months of each other from three different pregnancies. We don't have a car or own a house. I am not legally allowed to drive due to epilepsy, and my husband doesn't even have a permit to drive anymore, because they wouldn't allow him to transfer it when we moved here from AZ. I lost his social security card, so he doesn't even have that anymore. there are SEVERAL things we need to do in order to get a car and move away from this atrocious neighbor of ours, but we are having a very difficult time with that. All of that being said, I STILL wouldn't wish to be anyone else! I am losing weight and am able to do more for my family. My confidence is boosted, and I am moving forward with my life! I REFUSE to be ANYone other than the person that God has intended for me to be! I am sure the LORD will give us a great many more children, and what blessings they'll be! I was supposed to be weighed and measured on Friday, but I've missed tons of Curves sessions due to depression, being busy, and my husband working so much that he's been needing to sleep when he's home(for however short a time period that is). I am going to try to go in tomorrow because that (I think) is the only day this week that I will be able to due to my hubby's work schedule(his schedule is 100% my fault because I ROYALLY messed up our finances). I'm going to try to get a bit of sleep in, because I have some stuff to do tonight. Goodnight all!
